two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
