You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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