i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Enjoy the penises
You've changed since you got that strap on
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
