1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
