i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
