I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
