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• (312): View more from Illinois

  We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?

  (312): View more from Illinois

  But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg

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• (407): View more from Florida

  So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves

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• (954): View more from Florida

  First date: that requires underwear, huh?

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.

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• (334): View more from Alabama

  thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.

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• (518): View more from New York

  THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason

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• (818): View more from California

  the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Hold on gotta plunge the sink

  (425): View more from Washington

  Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time

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