Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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