I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
