She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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