he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
