Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
