The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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