I wish I could teleport
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
