What did we do last night that was yellow?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
