says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
