I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
