my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
