I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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