i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
