There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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