My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
