Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
