the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
