I cockslap morals
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
