SEEEEXXX PLEASE
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
