Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
