Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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