You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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