I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
