one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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