the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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