I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
