i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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