drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
