I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he puts the penis in happiness.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
