Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I want a musical about memes.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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