I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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