evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize