Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
