i just google imaged poop.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
