Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
