Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
