now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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