Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
