3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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