You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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