Can Purell be used as lube?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
