i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
