Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
