So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
