do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
