i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
