I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
