How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
