the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
even my farts smell like vagina
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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