when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Fuck appropriateness.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
