I want to stick my p in your. b.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize