my sisters under your porch take her home
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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