im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
