some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
