I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
