she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just gargled with NyQuil
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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