ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
