I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
