whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize