Me. At least after what I've been through.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
