apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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