Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
