things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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