Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
They have beer where we have blood.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
