Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I want a musical about memes.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
