So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
