do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
