Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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