Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
