chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
