Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
