Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
