I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
