Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize