I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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