Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
