the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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