I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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