I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize