girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
