The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
There's always time for handjobs
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
