You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
