Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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