I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
