Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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