Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
