where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
