Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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