Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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