yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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