i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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