i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
