Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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