Having a random hookup so left but love u
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
